The topic of socialization of home schooled students has been on my mind lately after a conversation I had with an acquaintance I ran into recently. After finding out that we home school our children, she proceeded to tell me about a home school family she is related to. She explained how their children are struggling academically, and that the oldest child tried to go to college, but just couldn’t handle it.
Being home-schooled myself, and now being a home-school mother of eight, this type of conversation has occurred many times in my life. As she first ran through this scenario, I felt a little panic. “Am I doing all I can to prepare my children for college, adult life, etc.?” But when she mentioned, almost as an afterthought, that the father of this family can’t read, and that neither parent went to college, I pondered the absurdity of her insinuation that home school may be the reason that these children struggle.
I suggested that even if the children were in public school, these children would probably struggle academically. We all know that being enrolled in public school does not guarantee academic success. It takes involved parents and determined students.
While I think it is a tragedy when children are not academically proficient, I had to imagine a scenario where the conversation was reversed, and went something like this: “Are your children still in public school? Hmmm. You know, I know a family whose public-schooled daughter is a terrible speller!” Or, “I know a family whose children went through public school, and they all had extremely low ACT scores!”
I wish I had a dollar for every time that, when I mentioned that I was home schooled, someone said something like this: “Oh, I would never do that, I’d be too worried about my children’s social skills.” Or, when I say that we home-school our children, “I knew a family that home-schooled, and they were really weird!”
Disregarding the obvious lack of social skills that these comments convey, we can easily see the irrationality of assuming that the reason that someone is lacking an academic or social skill is because the individual was home schooled. If a public schooled student has a lack of social or academic skills, it is rarely assumed that it is because he attends a public school.
Imagine how ridiculous and bad-mannered it would sound if I used the same type of comment. “Oh, your children attend that elementary school? Well, I know a family whose children went there, and they are the rudest children I’ve ever met!”
The general assumption behind many of these comments is that if a home schooled student who lacks desirable social skills had attended public school, he would have automatically have acquired these skills.
A false idea that is repeated often is that it is important for children to deal with the negative influences in school, because it helps “toughen them up”, prepare them for “real life”, or allow them to be a “light” in a bad environment. If this argument were true, my children would benefit by going to a “beer bash” to help them learn to refuse alcohol, be a good example, and learn about “real life.”
Of course we understand that our children will encounter negative influences in life, and we expect them to stand for what they know is right, but we have seriously examined the social environment of public school and decided that it is not what we want for our children. For us to ignore the problems there, or dismiss them with a casual “oh, it’s part of growing up” would be foolish indeed.
I think that for children who may be considered a little bit slow, or strange, the best thing in the world for them is to be schooled at home, to be taught in a loving, nurturing atmosphere where they aren’t teased or ridiculed.
A mother in our ward told me last year that her son was being bullied repeatedly at school. Later, this boy told us that when he was drinking his milk at lunch, another student came up and hit the bottom of his milk carton, making it spill down the front of his shirt. All the children around laughed at him. Stories like this honestly make my blood boil. I detest the idea that this is part of “growing up.” I thought about what would happen if one of these children tried this on one of their siblings at home. Would their parents let it go? I hardly think so. They would be taught that this is inappropriate behavior.
Spending hours each day with peers does not teach children proper social skills. In fact, if you leave any group of children alone long enough, they will often get into some sort of mischief or conflict.
What children really need is time spent in social situations with people of all ages who will teach them the boundaries and limits of true social skills. These skills are learned, almost exclusively, from our families.
By home schooling, am I trying to prevent my children from experiencing “real life”? No, I’m training them in an atmosphere that is devoid of many of the prevalent negative influences in the world around them, until they are prepared to deal appropriately with them on their own. Am I worried that “real life” will be a shock for them? Nope, not any more than it was for me after being home schooled all my life.
Will my husband and I do everything perfectly in our home school? Certainly not, but I hope and pray daily that my children are being taught in an environment where the spirit is consistently present, where they are taught every subject from the gospel perspective, and where they are taught “social skills” such as courtesy, love, modesty, manners, and service.
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Children learn through gentle direction and persuasive teaching. They search for models to imitate, knowledge to acquire, things to do, and teachers to please.
Parents and grandparents fill the role of teacher. So do siblings of the growing child.
…It is in the home that we form our attitudes, our deeply held beliefs. It is in the home that hope is fostered or destroyed.
…God, our Father, has entrusted precious little ones to our earthly care. To them may we teach prayer, inspire faith, live truth, and honor God. Then we shall have heavenly homes and forever families. For what higher gift could we wish? For what greater blessing could we pray? None!” -
-President Thomas S. Monson
So, we found some daffodils & a tulip, pulled out our biology book, and went to work dissecting the flower. Courtney cried and wouldn't participate because we were being so mean to dissect the flower. She will soon be embarking on a "save the flowers" campaign, I imagine. The rest of us found it fascinating. Daffodils are a neat flower to use, because the ovules are so easy to see.
Later we all made "lap books" about flowers. You take a file folder, and fold the two sides into the middle. It makes a nice way to show what you've learned, and I like it because it can be filed in a notebook, instead of huge posters that I never know what to do with after we're done. Here's the cover of Aliysa's finished lap book.
The inside
Okay, I had to put this picture in. When I was taking the above picture, she said her face felt "stiff." So I told her to stretch it out, and when she did I snapped this picture and then laughed myself silly. Of course Aliysa laughed along with me.
